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Eminence, the emeritis cardinal archbishop of HGN

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, For Pope

I have my candidate for pope, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

Why my vote is for the queen.

The queen supports marriage equality for gays and lesbians.  If that is not enough, hear what she has to say if Kate's expected child is a girl.

"The Queen will tomorrow back an historic pledge to promote gay rights and ‘gender equality’ in one of the most controversial acts of her reign."

The charter, dubbed a ‘21st Century Commonwealth Magna Carta’ declares: ‘We are implacably opposed to all forms of discrimination, whether rooted in gender, race, colour, creed, political belief or other grounds.’ The ‘other grounds’ is intended to refer to sexuality – but specific reference to ‘gays and lesbians’ was omitted in deference to Commonwealth countries with draconian anti-gay laws.

The Vatican under the last two popes have not spoken out very forcefully on these draconian laws. Well, the Vatican probably ranks right up there with those countries with draconian anti-gay laws, at least with their rhetoric and thinking on queer matters.

I forgot, only a baptized male can become pope. That rule should change. I’m sure Jesus would pardon the cardinals if they chose to amend that little man made law.

Her Majesty is older, and probably wiser, than all those octogenarian men in red who are going into conclave in the Sistine Chapel on Tuesday to select a new man-in-red to wear the white and red, Dorothy, slippers.

The queen's  Red Hat is actually more wonderful than all those old men's red beanies.  The Queen's Red Hat is, well, fabulous. I'm sure the Queen could best the new man in attire, even Ex Pope Benedict who has been described as the best dressed pope. Benedict, the Best Dressed Pope

More than best dressed, Her Majesty has poise and charm. No need to worry cardinals! She probably could fix the Vatican Bank.

The big difference is that the Queen has been free to think, not so the ancient men in red, until they prove it.

This would also be a wonderful ecumenical gesture, Roman Catholics reaching out in a real effort of unity with the Church of England in a joint undertaking for justice and freedom, not some kind of bizarre unity based on repression as engineered by Ex pope Benedict. I mean, Benedict, welcoming as Roman Catholic priests Anglican clerics who could not support the equality of women on the issue of ordination or for that matter an openly gay bishop. Poor Cardinal O'Brien.

So, if I, a real Roman Catholic, had a vote in the conclave on Tuesday, I’d vote for experience and a proven winner, Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth. Viva La Papessa!


  1. What a good idea -- QEII has poise, good speech writers & long experience dealing with egocentric elderly men.

  2. Another friend writes...He is something of an historian.

    Your Eminence!

    I am honored to receive your recommendation. There are several other points in the Queen's favor:

    1) The Queen is a descendant of the Prophet Mohammed through one of the Pedro the Cruel of Castile - this instantly promotes ecumenicalism.
    2) She is descended from St Edmund the Martyr, St Edward the Confessor, St Louis, St Elizabeth of Hungary, St Margaret, and is related to St Elizabeth of Russia and the various Romanov martyr saints - a link to the Russian Orthodox church. Who else in contention can claim anything like that? She is probably already a second or third class relic - she regularly wears a sapphire that belonged to St Edward.

    3) She has much better tiaras, and many more, than the popes.

    4) She has better dresses, and wears them better, than the recent popes.

    5) She already has an heir, eliminating this whole conclave problem when she is called home.

    6) She is already the head of a church and thus can "hit the ground running".

    7) Her father ruled the Holy Land making her a lot like You Know Who.

    8) She is older than the previous pope, but is not "too tired to carry on", and her mother lived to be 101.

    9) She is very, very accustomed to endless ceremonies.

    10) She is accustomed to having prayers offered on her behalf, and has been "pre-consecrated".

    Altogether an excellent idea; and it would promote church unity. All you need to do now is to convince your colleagues.

    Yours for bigger and better conclaves.

  3. Sir i know your only in jest, i think, but not knowing the way you poofters really think or dont think, i will put you right on a few simple matters.Nunber one of course is that to be Pope i think you need to be a Roman Catholic first .Number two did you not know that with all your learning and theology that a Monarch of so called Gerat Britain -in this so called 21st century -cannot be a Roman Catholic .They can be Islam,Protestant,all 6000 different kinds.Evan Jewish -but not Roman Catholic .O and they can be a homosexual queer poofter as well.

  4. The Queen as Catholic Pope ? I like it. That will compensate us nicely for losing the Empire (& she will be "Defender of the Faith" in the original sense)

  5. O just as a postscript seen as your so taken by the so called Royal Family.Can you inform Lizzie that when she makes her famous and we are all equal speech.That she includes in it that from now on the Heir to the throne can marry a Roman Catholic in a Roman Catholic Church. Especially if said Catholic is a Homosexual. After all if she doesnt agree to this then would we be able to label her as being so called Homophobic . Or would calling her a bigot suffice. It will be interesting to hear your reply Mr Wild Hair.